Numb to God...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

So... if you didn't know by now this is Linkin Park's song Numb and some of the lyrics.

This post is very all over and just kind of thrown together.. so forgive me for the lack of connections. haha.

Why am I quoting Linkin Park? I don't know, I just recently heard this song on a playlist I have and God pointed out the Lyrics to me. 

Have you ever felt like this? So numb that you cannot feel God anywhere? Have you ever just not wanted to feel God and numb yourself to everything? Have you ever felt like you have all this pressure to be a Godly person? You pretty much have to be God in order to "gain" acceptance into Heaven? 

Being Numb - One can never be - unless you have some sort of disease or are on drugs/alcohol 24/7. What does being numb feel like? No cares, no worries, no past, no present, no future - that is what I hear when people want to "numb" themselves from the world. 

When I numbed myself from things - I got emotional and paranoid as ever. Sure at the time it was a joy - as soon as "it" was over - so was the "fun/invincibility". And I was back to my problems and a smaller bank account. Wasn't fun at all. So after I tried my rebellion stage - I didn't know who I was or where I was heading to or for that matter where I was now (physically, emotionally, spiritually). So in order to answer these questions or at least start the process.. I went to the person who knows me inside and out - my Creator, Jesus, God, Father. 

I got convicted, forgiven, re-saved, accepted, and loved all in that moment that I cried out.

Well. . . being a Godly person is quite a responsibility. Most people think you get saved and it gets easier, but it doesn't. In fact it gets harder because you have to stand up for what you believe in and you actually have to go to others for guidance and discerning. 

Most people feel invincible without God (doing things on their own), just imagine how I feel? I have the Creator of the world on my side! I'm invincible! ;)

Well.. if you are feeling numb right now - say a quick prayer. 

"God heal me from this numbness/emptiness I feel."

If you believe it and are searching then God will reveal Himself.

That is my post,

Alyssa Marie