Have Your Way – Britt Nicole

Written: September 6, 2015

Pain. What is Pain?

Physical Pain
Cut Finger
Broken Bone
Headache
Scrapes
Bruises

Physical Pain is almost a daily thing but what about that pain that you keep hidden? All of a sudden scenes and words you have witnessed toss and turn in your head and bubble up to the surface. You are not able to keep them in any longer and you just explode into tears and anger. Emotional Pain is the worst kind of Pain in my opinion. Why? I have had quite a bit of physical pain, concussions, back pain, pulled muscles but all of that eventually went away and the pain has either subsided or went away all together.

Emotional Pain stays with you whether you want it to or not and can change the course of your life. (Obviously a Car Accident or finding out about a disease you have can also alter your life as well but I am talking about minor Physical Pain that goes away)

I bet you can remember a fight you had with your spouse, sibling, parent, or friend that you have had that either Helped or Hurt that relationship. You may still feel the pain from the fight or still remember the words that were said. In fact, if you remember the fight you most definitely remember how you felt during that time.

Several times I have bottled up my emotional pain and then I turned on the radio and started listening to Worship Music and BAM let the Floodgates of tears open. Once you start crying then you start remembering everything that you have had bottled up and then you start getting Angry. Angry at the Situation, At the Person, At Yourself, At God, At Life… At EVERYTHING.

Emotional Pain
Seeing Parents Fight (Cussing & Slamming Doors Upstairs) and having the two kids downstairs
Having a Parent Try to Commit Suicide
Feeling the effects of your Parents Divorce A Decade Later
Having to put your mother into a Mental Hospital the week of your birthday
Letting the First guy that pays attention to you.. have you when you know he has others
Watching Marriages fall apart over Finances
Having a Mother who wants to visit and No One wants to let her stay because she is “too much”

Thankfully this pain can be subsided and even disappear with the Help of a Loving God who wants to help his Children through the Pain. We have to turn to Him and trust that He knows what He is doing and never puts us through something we cannot handle.

“Why Can’t You Just Intervene
Do You See the Tears Keep Falling
And I’m Falling Apart At The Seams

You never said the road would be easy
You said that you would never leave
You never promised that this Life wasn’t hard
But you promised you’d take care of me

So I’ll stop searching for the answers
I’ll stop praying for an escape
and I’ll trust you God with where I am
and believe that you will have Your Way”

You take the Broken Things and turn them into Beautiful.

A Healed Hidden Scar

Driving home tonight from a Revival service…

I asked God to open my eyes to my heart and BAM he revealed something to me that has been hidden for probably 8+ years and man was it powerful. The instant God revealed it, I relived my life and emotions in about 10sec and it hit me like a ton of bricks and brought me to tears… I know real great while driving right? Haha.

I had a best friend who I held so high on a pedestal in my life.

I did not even realize it at the time. We had become friends as soon as I started going to this then “new church” to me. So we had been friends for a good amount of years, then we had a “falling out” Junior/Senior year of High School. Completely stopped talking to each other and stop being friends. When we stopped talking, I lost this friend and also their family who had become “my” family. See my Mom and Dad divorced in 2000 or so. Then my brother and mom got into a terrible car/semi accident and by the grace of God they both survived. So I had already been through a TON of stuff that a child should not have to go through.

So you can imagine when I lost my friend and my “second” family – who was loving, caring, put together and who spoke life and fun into my life – how hurt I was.

The scar on my heart was so deep that I did not even know it was there.

BUT GOD HAD A PLAN…

I had kept this goofy card that this friend had given me – it is one of the best cards I have ever received in my life. I would re-read this card, use it as a bookmark and would let it remind me to pray for her. Man did I ever pray… I wanted to throw that thing away so many times because of the reminder it gave me, but God would not let me.

HE had a different plan.

Instead he had us going through very similar situations and 4 years later we would meet up and spill our guts and laugh about how in the world we ended up where we were. And now… another 4 years later we have been able to hang out, talk about life and laugh.

Just when you think you have lost Hope God keeps that card in your sight just remind you that the Best Is Yet To Come. I am so blessed to have this friend back in my life. She has been such a blessing throughout the Good and the Bad times.

That scar that was left on my heart – due to my own emotional pedestal has now been healed.

My God is Revealing Love in so many ways.

His Arms

How can I stand here and NOT be moved by You?!

I know You are waiting with Arms wide open, I can clearly see that. So WHY do I hesitate? Why do I get the gut wrenching feeling that You are calling and I am just blatantly not coming?

Dear Lord,

Please clear my mind of all the hesitance and obstacles and let me fall into Your arms. I've missed You and I'm unsure of who I've become.

Love,
Your ever so wandering Child.

Numb to God...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

So... if you didn't know by now this is Linkin Park's song Numb and some of the lyrics.

This post is very all over and just kind of thrown together.. so forgive me for the lack of connections. haha.

Why am I quoting Linkin Park? I don't know, I just recently heard this song on a playlist I have and God pointed out the Lyrics to me. 

Have you ever felt like this? So numb that you cannot feel God anywhere? Have you ever just not wanted to feel God and numb yourself to everything? Have you ever felt like you have all this pressure to be a Godly person? You pretty much have to be God in order to "gain" acceptance into Heaven? 

Being Numb - One can never be - unless you have some sort of disease or are on drugs/alcohol 24/7. What does being numb feel like? No cares, no worries, no past, no present, no future - that is what I hear when people want to "numb" themselves from the world. 

When I numbed myself from things - I got emotional and paranoid as ever. Sure at the time it was a joy - as soon as "it" was over - so was the "fun/invincibility". And I was back to my problems and a smaller bank account. Wasn't fun at all. So after I tried my rebellion stage - I didn't know who I was or where I was heading to or for that matter where I was now (physically, emotionally, spiritually). So in order to answer these questions or at least start the process.. I went to the person who knows me inside and out - my Creator, Jesus, God, Father. 

I got convicted, forgiven, re-saved, accepted, and loved all in that moment that I cried out.

Well. . . being a Godly person is quite a responsibility. Most people think you get saved and it gets easier, but it doesn't. In fact it gets harder because you have to stand up for what you believe in and you actually have to go to others for guidance and discerning. 

Most people feel invincible without God (doing things on their own), just imagine how I feel? I have the Creator of the world on my side! I'm invincible! ;)

Well.. if you are feeling numb right now - say a quick prayer. 

"God heal me from this numbness/emptiness I feel."

If you believe it and are searching then God will reveal Himself.

That is my post,

Alyssa Marie

What I Just Stepped Into... was Love

Alright so this post is gonna be quite honest. 


So for the past year... well since August of 2010 my life slowly went more and more down hill. Why? All because I wanted to feel loved and just wanted to experience this love that everyone seemed to be enjoying except me. I was a gung ho Christian, I swore I would never do so so so many things and all within just a few months I had broken everything that I swore I would never do. I fell for the "oh my gosh he acts like he likes me" and it all went bad from there. I knew nothing would ever come of it but I was just that desperate to feel something that I said "oh I don't care if we won't end up together". So For December started the bad trend. February or maybe January I started drinking. I swore I never ever drink because I have seen some bad things that it does. April, I had sex and smoked weed. I can tell you right now that I am not proud of any of these things and I don't condone any of them... wait for sex until marriage... I'm sure it is way way way better. So I don't have to say it because it is obvious.. I lost sight of God for a year and a half. I had only put myself at the lowest point in my life rather than feeling better. I felt like crap, I had given all that I had within me only to not feel any love whatsoever. So obviously I stopped with the guy and the drinking and the smoking was done when it started. ugh. Then I started dating my boyfriend (wonderful time) I started being myself and started to open up my heart a little more and started the healing process. Now I literally just started going back to church the weekend after New Year. My Resolution was to go back to church (Not really a resolution but more of a WANT). The first weekend I went and it was awesome.. last weekend I skipped and this weekend... Today, January 12th, 2012 was a turning point. :)


And This is why....


So I looked for Love for a year and a half through other sources, a guy, friends, family, drinks, smoke, boyfriend, and just anything I could get my hands on/talk to. I have to admit wholeheartedly that I walked this morning into CedarCreek Church in Perrysburg.. feeling nervous. I don't know why I was nervous but I was... then I went in and stood for worship (like 4 powerful songs) and I can honestly say, I stood, I sang, and I... I Alyssa Tipping,


Felt.Loved. 


I literally felt God's Love overwhelming me and overpowering every fear and word that has ever been pounded in my head (you're ugly, you talk too much, you aren't funny, you will never find a guy, who would want to marry you, you don't make your family proud, and you will never fulfill your dreams and many more) for me to believe for the last 22yrs of my life. I have never been so loved that I didn't know how to react so of course, I started to get watery eyes. 


And that my folks, Is Pure Love. You cannot get that Love from anyone else. 


:)

What Does It Mean?

This song sums up my life... pretty much.

Running....

It's falling from the clouds

A strange and lovely sound

I hear it in the thunder and rain

It's ringing in the skies

Like cannons in the night

The music of the universe plays

You are holy great and mighty
The moon and the stars declare who You are
I'm so unworthy, but still You love me
Forever my heart will sing of how great You are
Beautiful and free
Song of Galaxies
It's reaching far beyond the milky way
Lets join in with the sound
C'mon let's sing it loud
As the music of the universe plays

All glory, honor, power is Yours amen

All glory, honor, power is Yours amen
All glory, honor, power is Yours forever amen

So I ran my first 5k yesterday. I was super nervous and wanted to throw up right before, so I prayed for peace. I most certainly got that prayer answered. As I was listening to worship songs that I put in a playlist for this purpose of running I had never wanted to Praise God more. I was past the first mile and was at the 8 and a half minute mark.... needless to say, I was proud of myself from the start. After that first mile I felt peace like crazy. I was smiling and passing people... going at a pace that felt almost too fast, I had no idea how much longer I had left and this song... Cannons by Phil Wickham started coming through my iPod. I turned my hand face up to worship God. I wanted to raise both my hands but that would have looked super funny to other people and would have been hard to run like that. I finished that 5k, closer to God, feeling accomplished and proud, and my dad and bro and step mom were also proud. God was running right next to me saying... "see how wonderful and happy this is... you are following Me and are on the right path, this is how life is supposed to feel and be, you aren't supposed to be drowned in sorrows day in and day out, you are suppose to be going through life at my pace and smiling as the pain ceases to control you."

*sorry if all this was a little all over but I'm thinking you understood what I typed... :)*

I'm.Loved.